


Heartbeat

by ImOutOfMyVulcanMind (LoopyLu94)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, talk of injury and death, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 13:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13342455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLu94/pseuds/ImOutOfMyVulcanMind
Summary: Jim has a nightmare, and as always Leonard is around to help out. Tonight things go differently.





	Heartbeat

It was an annoying, high-pitched chirping noise that woke Leonard from his slumber. His brain acted on instinct, and told him that it wasn’t the sound of a red alarm, or his emergency tone. No, it was his personal comm beeping, which only meant one thing.

Leonard squinted at the chrono as he reached over groggily and grabbed his communicator from the nightstand. He’d only been asleep two hours. Flicking open the device, Leonard didn’t even need to check who was calling. “Jim.”

“Hey, Bones, did I wake you?” It was the same question Jim asked every time, and every time Leonard bit back the retort that of course he hadn’t been sleeping at two am. For anyone else he might not have shown that restraint, but there was always so much uncertainty, a fear that this time Leonard might snap in Jim’s voice, that Leonard really didn’t have the heart to be snarky.

Skipping over the question, Leonard asked instead, “How bad was it?” Because he already knew Jim had had a nightmare; it was the only reason he ever called Leonard in the middle of the night. What determined on what happened next, was how bad it had been.

“Pretty bad, yeah.” Was Jim’s answer. It was enough for Leonard to know what was needed.

“I’ll be over in a minute.”

Leonard heard the sigh of relief. Jim hated asking him to come over, whether it was because he felt guilty at disturbing him so late, or just because he was a stubborn idiot, Leonard didn’t know. But he knew that after a bad nightmare, Jim needed company. Preferably company that came with a glass of bourbon. “Thanks, Bones.”

The line went dead, and Leonard flipped the comm shut, “You’re lucky I love you, kid,” he whispered, flopping back down on his bed for a moment. He sometimes wondered if bending over backwards for an unrequited love was wise. It only ever hurt him to hold Jim when he was at his most vulnerable, and not be able to comfort him the way he truly wished. To hold back the words he desperately wanted to say. Yet if he pulled back to protect his own heart, Jim would suffer. Leonard knew the younger man loved him, just not in the way Leonard wished he would. Leonard also knew that he was the only one Jim could trust enough to talk to about his nightmares. He was privy to information that no one else knew. Leonard could never cause Jim the hurt that would come with his taking a step back. That would break his heart even more.

Pushing himself up, Leonard didn’t bother pulling on decent clothes. No one would be out at this hour, and the crew on gamma shift would be at their stations. So he just grabbed a bottle of bourbon, a good bottle, and left his quarters. Ten steps later and he was in front of Jim’s. Leonard didn’t knock, just entered his overdrive and let himself in, then used it again to ensure they wouldn’t be disturbed. The rooms were mostly dark, the only light coming from the bedroom.

Leonard padded over quietly, and peered around the doorway. “How you feelin’?” He asked Jim, though he didn’t really need an answer. Jim was on his bed, dressed in some sweats, and an old Academy sweater, with his knees pulled to his chest. He looked terrible, and it made Leonard wonder how long Jim had actually been awake for before he’d given in and called.

To his credit though, Jim did manage a tired smile when he looked up at Leonard, “Better now,” he murmured quietly.

It was an odd choice of words, but Leonard brushed them to one side. He held up the bottle he was holding. “I’ll get a couple glasses, and I’ll be in.” He caught Jim’s small nod as he turned, and headed into the kitchenette. Leonard grabbed two tumblers, and poured them each a couple of fingers. Not the wisest medical treatment, he knew, but it always helped Jim open up and relax after a nightmare. And it didn’t happen often enough for Leonard to worry.

Leaving the bottle on the counter, Leonard went back to the bedroom, and sat himself down on the bed next to Jim. He passed one of the glasses over to Jim, sipping his own drink while the blond sipped his own. He let a few minutes pass before speaking again, “Want to talk about it?”

Jim paused a moment, but then shook his head, “No. I don’t know how.”

Leonard did frown at that. Jim had always found a way to talk to him about his nightmares. Even when he’d spoken of Tarsus, or how fucked up he’d ended up feeling after dying. What could he have possibly dreamt about that would be more difficult than that? Again, Leonard left it though. He couldn’t force Jim to talk, and if the other just wanted some silent company, then Leonard could provide that too.

They drank in silence, but from the corner of Leonard’s eye he could see that the liquor was doing nothing to relax Jim. The blond was a bundle of nervous energy. Something was obviously eating away at him. He was about to speak when Jim beat him to it.

“Are you okay?”

Leonard blinked, as he turned to look at Jim. “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jim shrugged, staring down into his empty glass, “Just wanted to make sure,” he murmured quietly.

Leonard frowned at the vagueness, but as he watched Jim, things slowly clicked into place. “Is this about the away mission a couple of weeks ago?” Jim didn’t say anything but it was confirmation enough. “Jim, that was a scratch. Geoff fixed it in ten minutes.”

“But it could’ve been worse! If the blow had been a little more the left, a little deeper…”

There was pain in Jim’s voice, a pain Leonard hadn’t heard before, not even when he’d been speaking about Tarsus. A thought occurred to him, “Was the nightmare you had about something happening to me?”

Jim’s nod was so subtle that Leonard nearly missed it, but nod he did. It was an admission that took Leonard by surprise. For Jim to get so worked up that he ended up tormented was confusing. Even more so that he thought he couldn’t speak about it. They were best friends, Leonard had always figured that Jim would be devastated if something happened to him, but this…this was different.

“Was…was this the first time you’ve had a dream like that?”

“No. I’ve had them a lot since the mission. Mostly just reliving it. But tonight…tonight was different. Worse,” Jim spoke quietly, twirling the glass around in his hand.

“What happened?” Leonard prodded gently.

“You died. There was so much blood, too much probably, but it was there. I could feel it on my hands, and I kept telling you to hold on, that there were things I needed to say still, but there was nothing I could do. I tried so hard to find your pulse, but it wasn’t there. I lost you, Bones.” Jim’s voice broke as he finished speaking, and Leonard’s heart broke right along with it.

“Jim,” he said gently as he plucked Jim’s glass out of his hands and set it down with his own. “I’m here. I haven’t gone anywhere.” As he spoke, Leonard took one of Jim’s hands and pressed his fingers against the inside of his wrist. “Can you feel that? Can you feel my pulse?”

Jim was motionless for a few heartbeats, then nodded slowly, “Yeah,” he whispered, voice barely there. “I can feel it.”

“See? I’m okay, darlin’.” The endearment slipped out unconsciously, and for a second Leonard tensed, but Jim didn’t seem to even acknowledge it, simply staring down at where he held Leonard’s wrist in his hand. Leonard breathed a silent sigh of relief, and let them sit quietly for a few minutes before his curiosity got the better of him. “What were the things you needed to say to me?”

Immediately, Jim shook his head, “I can’t tell you that.”

“Sure you can. You know you can tell me anything,” Leonard encouraged gently, forcing down the sliver of hope that was rising in his chest.

“Not this, Bones. I can’t. You’ll run away, and I can’t lose you.” Jim still wasn’t looking at him, eyes focused on their hands, so Leonard placed his other hand over Jim’s.

“I’ve never run before, and I swear I won’t run this time. No secrets.” Leonard rubbed small circles into Jim’s skin with his thumb, and it seemed to be that act of tenderness that broke Jim.

“Wanted to tell you that I love you. That I’m in love with you.”

Jim was tense, and Leonard could see that he was ready to bolt in a millisecond if needed. Instinctively, Leonard tightened his hold on Jim’s hand, as if that alone would stop him from running. He hoped it would long enough for him to process what Jim had just said. He loved him. Jim Kirk loved him. The one thing he’d never even let himself dare hope for had suddenly come true, and Leonard wasn’t sure what to do.

“Bones?” The quiet uncertainty in Jim’s voice made him realize that he’d been quiet far too long, and the nervous energy was radiating from Jim.

“I love you too.” It was the only thing he could think of to say. The only thing there was to say.

Jim’s head snapped up, and for the first time all night, their eyes met. Jim’s eyes were wide, and bright with unshed tears as they searched Leonard’s, seeking the answer of if Leonard was being truthful or not. He must’ve found what he was looking for, because the next thing Leonard knew, Jim was surging forward, lips sealing over his own. Leonard reached up automatically to cup the back of Jim’s neck to keep him close as he kissed back. Jim’s lips were soft and plush against his, more heavenly than Leonard had ever dreamed of.

The kiss was slow and lazy, each taking their time to explore the other. Jim was pressed as close as he could against Leonard, hands clutching at his pyjama shirt, while Leonard used his free hand to wrap it around Jim’s waist. They were both panting by the time they broke apart, but neither moved far. Jim’s lips were still right next to his, a hair’s breadth away, and smiling.

“No secrets, eh?” Jim teased with a  joyous laugh.

“I’m a Doctor. I’m an expert at not taking my own advice.” Jim laughed again, the motion making his fair flop into his eyes. Leonard reached to brush it back, running his fingers through the thick strands. “How long?”

“Too long. You?”

“Way too long.” Leonard smiled back, unable to stop himself from kissing Jim again. He could feel the tension melt away from Jim’s body, only to be replaced with a weariness. If Jim really had had nightmares most nights for nearly two weeks, then he must’ve been exhausted. “You think you’ll be able to get anymore sleep?” He asked, glancing over to the chrono. Three-thirty. There were still a few hours left before they needed to be up.

Jim nodded, pulling back a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I feel better now,” he said with a smile, but Leonard could see the wish in his eyes. And of course Jim never asked.

“I could stay if you want.”

Jim’s face lit up infinitely, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve wasted too much time not sharing a bed with you.”

Jim chuckled as they both clambered in, and immediately curled up against Leonard, head on his chest. Leonard wasn’t even surprised that Jim was a clingy cuddler. He wrapped his arms around Jim and kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, Jim.”

Leonard didn’t have to see Jim smile to know he was, “Goodnight, Bones.”

~

When Jim’s alarm went off the next morning, Leonard was tired, and stiff limbed, and sweltering hot. But when he looked down to see Jim still sleeping, practically curled on top of him like a cat, and looking more peaceful than Leonard had ever seen him, it was worth it.


End file.
